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No More Mr. Nice Guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy

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Nice Guys just keep trying harder to get a non-workable situation to work or get someone to be something they are not. By learning to approve of themselves, they begin to radiate a life energy and charisma that draws people to them.

This is even more important than you might think, because Glover gives supposedly real-world examples where this “toxic shame” and thus “Nice Guy Syndrome” was generated by parents merely being critical of their child, thus “communicating” that that child was “not OK just as they were.I’ll add the point that, IMO, basic CBT should be a standardized required subject in all high schools. This would lift some of the load, by actually giving citizens some of the actual skills to “suck it up” as society On this list Glover puts “ Nice Guys are passive-aggressive” such that they “tend to express their frustration and resentment in indirect, roundabout, and not so nice ways,” like “being unavailable, forgetting, being late, not following through, not being able to get an erection, climaxing too quickly, and repeating the same annoying behaviors even when they have promised to never do them again. Written primarily from the prospective [sic] of alcoholic family systems, this early book on codependency applies to both men and women.

Glover is essentially just ignoring science, and replacing it with his own sexist beliefs, sounding disturbingly too much like the infamous misogynist Stefan Molyneux. The charitably correct way to read what he means is more nuanced: that you should be respectfully open about what you need and want, and actually negotiate for it, with someone you are treating as your equal.It is trite and contrary to sound scientific advice to simply oversimplify this into “stop trying to please people. When trying to decide how to deal with the behavior they haven't deemed unacceptable, I encourage Nice Guys to apply the healthy male rule: “How would a healthy male handle this situation? Because it will lead to exactly the same problem he thought he was solving: someone following his advice will expect it to “work,” and it won’t.

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